Quote Joke or Hint?

December 2002

Well, sports fans, it’s December and you know what that means, it is time for the changing of the guard. I have been doing the hotline and Answer Man for two years, and it is time to let someone else have a little bit of fun. It is a great feeling when someone tells me that I made them laugh and I don’t know what it is, but I have been that way since I was a kid. Always willing and able to try and crack a funny. I am sure you have heard it said that laughter is the universal language and since my English is not that great, I guess you have to go with whatever works for you. Anyway enough of that stuff, don’t thank me let me thank you. Thank you for letting me make you laugh and thank you for your understanding and guidance when I crossed the line. Ask not what your Chapter can do for you, but what you can do for your Chapter. Doctor (Dan) Ruth will be my most able replacement in 2003, and I am sure he will do a good job because he is a funny kind of guy. No, I am not going to send you away empty-handed this month.

Instead I am going to share some humor with you from Steven Wright. He is the guy who once said, “I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen...and replaced by exact duplicates.” Here are a few of his
gems:
  • I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
  • Borrow money from pessimists they don’t expect it back.
  • Half the people you know are below average.
  • 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
  • 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
  • A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
  • A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
  • All those who believe in psychokinesis, please raise my hand.
  • I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
  • OK, so what is the speed of dark.
  • How do you tell when your pen is out of invisible ink?
  • Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
  • Hard work pay off in the future, laziness
  • pays off now.
  • My mechanic told me, “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
  • Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
This is the Answer Man and I’ll see you at the next ride.
Gordon Graves

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