Quote Joke or Hint?

May 2001

Dear Answer Man:
I’m thinking about having an affair, but I’m afraid that my wife might find out. What do you suggest?

Havent Hadany Inawhile

Dear Mr. Inawhile:
I understand your dilemma, but just remember it is strange how affairs are dis- covered. The following two examples come to mind.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The First Affair
There was a middle-aged couple who had two stunningly beautiful teenaged daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife became pregnant and sure enough, nine months later delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen. He went to his wife and said that there was no way that he could be the father of that child. “Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered.” Then he gave her a stern look and asked, “Have you been fooling around on me?” The wife just smiled sweetly and said, “Not this time.”
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The Second Affair
A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Smithe, who was about to be cre- mated, he made an amazing discovery: Smithe had the longest private part he had ever seen!

“I’m sorry Mr. Smithe,” said the mortician, “but I can’t send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be saved for posterity.” And, with that, the mortician used his tools to remove the dead man’s schlong. The mortician stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed it to was his wife. “I have something to show you that you won’t believe,” he said, and opened his briefcase. “Oh my god!” she screamed, “Smithe is dead!”

Gordon Graves

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